Although I’m not happy about it, I used to play the victim role. There are many reasons why I played this role–some which were out of my control. However, the problem with playing the victim role is that it is as toxic to others and the world as the role of the predator. We mistake the victim for passive, yet, the victim acts in a passive-aggressive way that revolves around manipulation and control. There are no innocent victims, sorry to say.
So, let’s leave adversity and enemies out of this conversation. On one level, we choose to play the role of the victim. We choose on either a subconscious or conscious level to bite the bait that others send our way. We choose to show up as a dance partner to the predator. Perhaps, the predator feels familiar like a family member, especially a parent. And if that is the case, it is our responsibility to find a therapist or healer to resolve this pattern in our lives.
Victims use guilt and shame as their main weapons of destruction. They also enjoy ranting and spinning drama to cause others (even not related to their trauma) to feel bad. Victims, especially the dramatic variety, don’t feel good when others feel good. They don’t want to stand on the sidelines watching others succeed because they feel abandonment. They feel anxious when other people put in the effort and make progress when they helplessly stand on the sidelines unwilling to face their inner demons.
Victims are also self-absorbed. They get caught in the webs of their lives and rehash the same stories even for decades. They are short on forgiveness because they want to rub someone’s nose in the misery that person caused them. Unfortunately, the victim only ends up harming them. They don’t allow themselves to enjoy their lives. They don’t allow themselves to heal their minds and bodies. They refuse to let go of their badge of victimhood because they so strongly identify with this role.
But even an actor leaves their character or role at the stage door. No one can or will succeed in the world as long as they hold onto the lower frequency of the victim. And by refusing to come out of denial and become proactive in one’s life, the victim perpetuates that they will always play the same role. And if you keep doing the same things expecting different results, then this is not serving the higher good.
Sometimes victims give us the impression that they actually want to heal their lives. They show up at workshops and pick up self-help books at the library. They make some progress if they don’t get caught in their stories. If they go to a therapist, they keep telling the same stories over again and refuse to take advice from the therapist. And a cognitive therapist would be the most effective in transforming victim behaviors.
We can never win at life when we play the role of the victim. This role stands in the way of truly intimate relationships and interpersonal communication. The truth is, no one wants to be around victims because they’re draining and we are on this planet to experience joy. And I want to point out that there is a difference between someone experiencing life challenges and needing a leg up and someone who plays the victim role in perpetuity. When you help the first kind of person you feel uplifted and like you made a difference. But when you lend a hand to a victim you just feel drained as if you can’t make a difference.
Now, we all feel self-pity from time to time. And we all fall into the victim role from time to time. This is because the ego loves the drama and the false validation we receive from others. But here is the real test, wouldn’t you rather be validated for your strengths than your weaknesses? And do you want to come across as a self-absorbed person (read narcissist) to get attention from others? People are only placating you and pretending to listen to you while they search for an escape route.
Here are the reasons to heal victimhood:
- If you stop carrying the victim frequency you stop meeting challenging people
- Your health improves
- Your life circumstances improve
- By forgiving predators from your past you make room in your life for good people to enter
- Your focus on yourself is from self-love and not self-negation
- You have clarity of thought
- You finally succeed in the world using your gifts, talents, and strengths
- You ascend in consciousness
But people hold on to the victim role because it is passive. They don’t have to take responsibility for their life circumstances. Society actually applauds people who wear the badge of victimhood. But people can also manipulate and control the victim since the victim is on the same frequency (also using manipulation of other people’s emotions).
I healed myself for the most part of the victim role because my life became excruciating. And I didn’t like the way my body felt when I ranted and rallied. I’m through with giving my personal power away and I hope you will join me in becoming a superhero in your life rather than playing the roles of the drama king or queen.
When we show up in our full glory, no matter what happened or didn’t happen to us in the past, the Universe responds with blessings. Our life transforms into a work of beauty.
If you are ready to take that next step to self-mastery, sign up for a personal astrology reading, card reading, or channeling session. I generally mix the three. Sign up at Whole Astrology (you can view sample charts in the pages on this blog).