We are on a huge learning curve, especially those of us with big hearts and expanded souls. We want to love everyone on this Unity Consciousness ship. However, when we do that, often we get burned by people who don’t have our best interests at heart.
See, here’s what I’ve learned from my own recent experiences and from life coaches on YouTube. When we’re flying high. When we feel good about ourselves? When we’re making progress on our spiritual journey, the dark ones come along to test us. Or they lead us to our deepest wounds.
And the only way out of an entanglement with these folks is to heal the deepest wound. It’s what I call walking through the fire. However, the pain of walking through the fire is less severe than a lifetime of dancing with people who ooze psychological toxins and are incapable of loving anyone.
So, instead of telling you what traits to look for in other people, I’m going to help you play sleuth to discover what qualities attract the dark ones. You will meet people who never get entangled with abusers, bullies, manipulators, or controllers. And why don’t they attract people who only wish them harm? They’re not co-dependent. They’re not seeking validation from an outside source. They’re not looking to others to ease loneliness or alienation. And they already love themselves and know that love is an inside job.
The rest of us put out baits as if we’re fishing for narcissists or sociopaths. And those baits come in the form of revealing too much personal information too soon. It comes from letting our defenses down too soon. It comes from not paying attention to our intuition which shouts “Red flags ahead!” It comes from false flattery and being noticed by someone. It comes from us wanting to look good, nice, and desirable. If we didn’t harbor those insecurities, we wouldn’t have any bait to toss out to the sharks.
Every time I met someone with a dangerous personality disorder from drama queen to sociopath (both men and women), they sniffed out my desperation. I met these folks through posting on social media, Craig’s List, and especially the Next Door Neighbors website (and this one is scary because these users and abusers are your neighbors).
And I could have just met these folks and moved on. However, since I am a recovering co-dependent, they hooked me with either a nice place to rent or rides to see places I would like to photograph or perhaps, they helped me relocate to a new home. They love doing favors for people in exchange for an instant audience or feed source. My therapist reminds me that there are no free rides in life. People always want something in return.
The other mistake I have made is telling my problems to total strangers and playing the role of a drama queen or victim. Well, you know that fairy tale about a knight or prince showing up to rescue us is really a lie. Stop believing this lie and avoid the dark prince or princess who would probably show up to rescue themselves and not you.
Keep yourself safe from harm by first, not rushing into friendships and if someone does help you, don’t divulge your secrets or personal information. Second, don’t gossip or name drop or brag about your accomplishments to these people. Three, heal the original wound to eliminate any charge that they connect their batteries. And finally, ask yourself if you crave attention from others or if you seek validation. If you do (most of us do), then find a spiritual practice to fulfill these needs. A healthy person doesn’t care what other people think about them.
I’m going to leave you with two life coaches who could save your life. I’ve learned a lot from them. They have helped me to get my shift together because they learned the hard way and got their shift together. You can also get your shift together.