Intuitive Coaching 101: Validation Means We are Human and Honored

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When people say that they don’t require validation, I wonder about that. I used to say that I don’t require validation from others. I isolated myself and I told myself that I didn’t need anyone. And then when I did reach out to people they were self-fulfilling prophesies that condemned instead of honored me.

It turns out that we all require validation. This does not make us weak. Everyone, even the guy and woman on the street requires respect and acceptance. It is through our pain and suffering that we repress our needs so that people don’t find us an easy target–too vulnerable and too gullible.

But really what I did was to repress my need for acceptance and respect from others. Since my family of origin refuses to see the real me (and instead have some fabricated version of me that suits their beliefs and values). The pain I feel causes me to dissociate from them and unfortunately, it causes me to dissociate from myself. And how can I expect anyone to respect me when I forget to show respect for myself?

And yet, the authority figures I grew up with did not teach me how to love myself. Religion considered self-love a sin or called it selfish. Then the people around me didn’t even know how to love themselves so how could they teach me how to honor myself. If I have one regret it is growing up in my family of origin was shouting and criticizing dominate what we call interpersonal communication.

I’ve had to work hard to overcome these deficits. I have been to more therapists than I can remember and still, the pain in my heart continues. And it is from this pain where I find the paradox of being able to teach and coach others to honor themselves. I know what it feels like to suffer abuse. I know what it feels like to suffer from neglect and I don’t want anyone else to endure this pain, anxiety, and depression.

Some people say that religion contains the magic pill. I don’t agree. I think the only way out of this suffering is to face it head-on. I think that resolving ancestral DNA issues and themes holds the key, but there are days when I just don’t have the strength even to say a forgiveness prayer. There are days when I’m crying so hard (like at the moment), that I can’t breathe into the moment.

And during this moment, I feel alone on an island that is drifting further out to sea. I’m not able to relate to anyone today. As waves of grief and anguish pour from my heart (Jupiter in Scorpio), I honestly don’t know how I can get through this moment.

And due to forced relocation (from a housing crisis), I’m not able to get to my therapist or doctor who is in another city. As far as food, I’m living in a community that is a food desert and it’s a four-mile walk and across a busy highway just to find a grocery store. Yes, there are buses, but they don’t connect to my location.

What’s it going to take to get validation? What’s it going to take for people to believe in me once again when other people’s worlds are shattering too? What’s it going to take for me to land on my feet again? And what’s it going to take when people value what I have to offer in the way of soft skills like intuition?

Some days I have answers. Today isn’t one of them. I require a lifeline to get me to the next moment and to the next day.

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Is American Society Suffering from Infantilism?

kid-2606329_1280Recently, while I was spending time on YouTube, a video on infantilism popped up. In this video, the presenter said that children of narcissistic parents (or controlling and manipulative parents) become adults who suffer from infantilism.

While I am still confused about this psychological condition, the British Dictionary defines it as:

  1. a condition in which an older child or adult is mentally or physically undeveloped
  2. isolated instances of infantile behaviour in mature persons

And this leaves me to wonder if infantilism is related to co-dependent relationships in families and especially with parents where the adult-child is unable to survive financially in the world despite a college education and a number of talents. They have problems keeping their bank accounts in order, have good ideas that never get off the ground financially and or can’t hold a job down for more than a few months before they fill the urge to quit or sabotage their work.

Now, if we expand this outward to a nation such as the US, we see this infantile relationship with government organizations and leaders or even employers. When a problem crops in society, the infantile citizens don’t take responsibility for their end and look to a “leader” to solve the problem, while they continue their co-dependent relationship or dance.

Now, this is troublesome because none of us can evolve if we don’t take responsibility for our end or part of the picture. The Law of Cause and Effect is ongoing but we don’t take responsibility for our actions. And instead of responding to situations that appear in front of us we either slip into denial or we act like victims reacting to situations. We take the passive role like a passenger in a vehicle with a mad driver at the wheel. And then if we survive that ordeal, we scratch our heads in dismay.

While I can see the bigger and smaller picture of infantilism, I do not know how to heal it other than recommending therapy that removes old patterns and heals original wounding. But the first passage in the healing process is recognizing that there is a problem with infantilism and this inability to grow into adults and handle the world as adults instead of as needy children dressed in business clothing or the adult garb of the day. Just because someone looks like a confident adult doesn’t mean he or she actually has his/her act together. But we must stop fooling ourselves if we’re ever going to step up to the plate and start healing this planet.

I know three things:

  1. We cannot survive any longer living life with this pathology
  2. We must return to the original wounds (even if it is in the ancestral DNA) and release it now
  3. We must take responsibility for our actions and healing process

As I learn more about infantilism, I will post more on this blog. For now, I encourage you to research this topic (which might apply to you if you’re struggling financially or having issues with authority figures) in regard to co-dependent relationships.

Sign up for a personal astrology-coaching session. I give sessions by Skype (if you are in North America) or by MP3 and reports which I e-mail to you.

Image from Pix a Bay (Creative Commons)

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Whole Astrology–Taurus Full Moon

For November 3, 2017

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Whole Astrology–Jupiter in Scorpio 2

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Intuitive Coaching 101–Beware of Greed and Selfishness

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Alice in Wonderland, Wikipedia

Often energy and themes tilt one way or another until it regains balance. Many people of equating self-love and self-worth with greed and selfishness. They have become an island unto themselves and materialism has run rampant on the planet. And so the planet rights itself by bringing disasters and tragedies to open our heart chakras.

We are all stripped bare at this time to notice what really matters. It’s so obvious that it is almost a cliche to even mention it. I am seeing greed everywhere and hardly anyone takes responsibility for their role in this greed. When we point the finger at our political leaders and label them selfish or greedy, we also point at ourselves. We prop those leaders up with our own behavior.

For instance, we rally against GMO foods and call Monsanto greedy but we won’t pay the extra money to purchase organic food and support farmers who do the right thing. We look for bargains at Walmart and purchase stuff we don’t even need and then we say that we’re too broke to purchase a sustainable service or purchase a product that gives back to the planet through fair trade or donating to a worthwhile cause.

We live in bigger houses or drive bigger cars just because we can. Then we rationalize that we deserve it like we’re starring in some Loreal ad from the 1980s. And btw, Loreal tested its products on animals. So that brings up the question is self-love equal to harming another creature because we think we deserve it? It seems to me because I believe that we are all connected, that spending more money on a natural product from a company with healthy ethics is a form of self-love.

And let me repeat what self-love is and is not. Self-love sets appropriate boundaries so that people can’t control or manipulate us. But it is not about building walls and moats which prevent us from reaching out to others through love and compassion. Self-love is about making sure we get enough rest, that we allow others to solve their problems (but we give them a leg up) and that we don’t hog the ball of glory for ourselves. It is about eating healthy, drinking pure water, getting exercise and taking time to enjoy our lives by pursuing our passions.

Self-love is not the law of attracting big houses around the earth while depriving creatures of their natural habitat or trees of their lives. Self-love is not using products on our bodies that pollute the earth. Self-love is not indulging in food stuff, cruelty to animals, and whatever else puts food on our table. Self-love is not gluttony but it is eating mindfully and consciously.

Self-love is about taking care of our bodies so that we don’t catch contagious diseases that we pass on to others who aren’t taking care of their bodies. Self-love is taking care of our bodies so that we stay strong and healthy which leads to being there for others instead of creating drama which drains others. And self-love is showing up in the world and doing our part which we include in the overall fabric of humankind.

When we reach out to others through mercy, forgiveness, and compassion we practice self-love. And when others grant us mercy we experience shared the love. We all deserve second chances if we are sincere. So, today be mindful of your healing path and realize that the greatest gift you give others is the gift of healing to yourself. And this does include healing greed which is fear posing as self-love.

 

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Whole Astrology–Sailing the Pisces-Virgo Polarity (September’s Moons)

dscn2739Like many of you, I’m enduring a huge life transition. I never thought I would be relocating to a new town (after moving to Bellingham). But once again, I’m on the move. So, for September, I combined the Pisces Full Moon with the Virgo New Moon. You can also view posts on these moons at Whole Astrology.

I’ve also moved away from technical interpretations of charts and relied more on channeled information (thus, my speeded up voice).

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Intuitive Coaching 101: 5 Toxic Communication Styles

330px-Andrea_Vaccaro_-_David_with_the_Head_of_Goliath

In the past year, I encountered toxic communication styles. Actually, I encountered them my entire life but grew more aware of them in the past year. And I learned how to set boundaries and fiercely love myself.

When you encounter these toxic communication styles, notice them, and then walk away. Life is too short to deal with other people’s issues. Life is too short to experience other people’s shadows projected on you as if you were a movie screen. Life is too short to play games and waste your precious resources on people who harbor ill intent and hidden agendas.

My Way or the Highway

This is an obvious communication style. And usually we encounter this type of interaction from people in authority or who are our elders. These folks have strong boundaries for themselves but won’t allow room for negotiation or for other people’s boundaries. Turn around and walk away. Interacting with other people involves compromises for both sides.

Greatest Generation Ever

Talk about exclusive, these folks (usually Baby Boomers, but not always) wax on about their generation and how superior they are to everyone born before or after them. They still listen to the same music from decades ago, carry around protest signs, and talk about Woodstock as if it was a world event that actually matters.

Face it, if we’re going to resolve problems facing the planet then we all need to join together, celebrate diversity, and pool our talents. No one is better than anyone else.

Twist Facts

These folks look for common ground. They pretend to agree with you after you spill your heart out and share your life philosophies. Then they bring out the Bible or some other religious doctrine to hit you over the head. They remind you that you are a sinner and that they have come to save you through the name of their prophet (usually it’s Jesus). They twist passages from the Bible or make up history to get their distorted and fear-driven message across.

These folks are not open to debate. They fit into the it’s my way or the highway group. Smile and walk away with your heart intact.

Sarcasm

Some people find sarcasm funny since it comes from satire. And we’re all sarcastic once in a while. But people who use sarcasm all the time come off as smug and often cruel. They can’t take anything serious and they don’t take you seriously not even when you agree with them. They seek validation of their superiority to “zombies” “ignorant people” and the “unenlightened.” Who decides who is and who isn’t enlightened? I know I’m not enlightened.

Tell Tall Tales

Often we date these folks. They lie about everything or change the subject and go off on tangents so you can’t catch them in a lie. You also find these liars in the political arena or heading corporations. But liars are everywhere and they asks us to trust them. Or they talk about how everyone else is lying to them. It’s pretty easy to catch people in a lie. Follow your intuition and keep your head about you.

 

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Neptune Girl Relocation Campaign

Thanks for making a dream come true…

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August 2017 Lunar Eclipse–Welcome to the Aquarius Age

Forgive me for saying on Whole Astrology that the Aquarius Age was still another 500 years away (or whatever I said in the past). The Aquarius Age is now, in the present, and we will notice it around August 7 during the Lunar Eclipse.

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Intuitive Coaching 101: When the Law of Attraction Does Not Work

DSCN8883For several years, I watched and rewatched various Law of Attraction videos on YouTube. I read books by the most famous proponents of LoA, I joined webinars, I engaged with rampages of good feeling thoughts and I did the work. So, then why didn’t I manifest my own home, a harmonious relationship with a life partner, etc?

If you’re one of the small percentage of people who has found success with LoA work then read no further. However, if you are somone who suffers from post trauma and used LoA practices as a way to dissociate from the pain in your life or as a way to avoid releasing trauma in your subconscious and hidden in the sensations of your body, then continue reading.

Know this, it’s not your fault that you haven’t manifested your desires. Frequencies hidden in our subconscious mind (90 percent of the brain that is running the show). This is not to say that you are victim of your past, but that it’s time to do some deep healing work through programs such as ancestral DNA clearing.

And also ask yourself if those things and situations you desire belong to you or are something you’re supposed to desire based on societal standards? I find the number of videos on YouTube featuring mansions, designer cars, and the jetsetting lifestyle nauseating. Why doesn’t anyone desire world peace, living in balance with nature, or being surrounded by people who can equally give and receive love? How is getting stuck in material manifestation regarded as awakening when awakening is of spirit and not the physical reality, at least from my understanding of spirituality?

But just when you’re about to toss the baby out with the dirty bathwater, stop yourself. There are some metaphysical tools that bear fruit when aligned with therapy that addresses beliefs and patterns hidden in the subconscious mind.

First, let’s look at Creative Visualization as presented to us back in the 1980s by Shakti Gaiwan. I went through several copies of her book with that title. And I manifested a foreign exchange program, boyfriends, the completion of musical projects, and other endeavors using these tools. Now, most important, when using creative visualization we always state, “For the Highest Good of All Concerned, may this or something better manifest for me.” When I forgot that part, I was not happy with the results.

Second, vision boards have reaped fruit for me. I have found myself in relationships with people who resemble the pictures on my vision boards. I have manifested clothing, shoes, and circumstances presented in the collages I created. And I think these boards work well with the subconscious mind or programming the mind. However, we can easily sabotage the good stuff when it arrives if we’ve not dealt with unconscious beliefs of not feeling worthy of those goods and situations. And that’s painful when the partner of your dreams shows up and you end up hurting this person.

Positive thoughts work when they’re not used as a form of dissociating from the truth. Meaning, we would never place a Band-Aid on a gaping wound so why do we cover up tragic situations and grief with a smiley face? Even Louise Hay says to write down feelings and thoughts that come up when reciting affirmations so that we can delve into the beliefs behind those thoughts. In that regard, affirmations are like mirrors that reveal the truth of our souls.

Any manifestation process should be considered as a personal endeavor for growth and evolution of an individual. We might all be part of this earth adventure but we’re not all sharing the same path or beliefs. Therefore, keep your mantras to yourself and spare people who are suffering the worst mantra of all, “you create your own reality.” I gag everytime some proclaims that sentiment.

For most people I’ve met who sing that song, are using the mantra to dissociate from their shadows and projections. When we dissociate from the real work that lies underneath our conscious mind, we don’t evolve. And maybe other people are just mirroring the uglier truth we don’t want to face in ourselves. And then we don’t claim our power through the alchemical process. Every person who crosses our path presents an opportunity for evolution to us, but we have to get past our judgments and perceptions. And if we are on the road to self-empowerment then it’s best to use every pitfall and pot of gold that lands on our paths. And then there are the moments of grace and surprises that were gifts from the Universe.

Sign up for an astrology reading or coaching session. Let’s dig for the real gold.

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